Popscholar

Today at therapy I was talking about how sometimes it's really hard to live the life I aspire to.  Perhaps that sounds strange, so I'll clarify.  This came out in the context of a discussion about navigating from the heart as opposed to the head in those crucial times when you want to stay clenched up and feel that you need to do so in order to "survive."  Knowing, objectively, what it means to act from the noblest place is one thing; living it consistently is another.

I understand, from my own experience, the importance of having "models"; there are certainly folks I admire greatly for their ability to marry their brilliance (intellectually) with their compassion in a way that allows for a softness of heart that isn't "corny."  Sometimes, though, I look at these folks and I think "You're too perfect!" and I start to beat myself up when I feel like I'm less than what I aspire to be.

But it's not just about these people's characters.  I harbor this little illusion wherein a mentor of mine gets up at 6 a.m. everyday, meditates, eats her yogurt (maybe with a little wheat germ), practices yoga, and makes sure all of her chakras are open.  Oh, and she is always compassionate.

If there's much truth to the above, then I have reason to feel pretty lame by comparison since I can barely get up by 7, I'm a shitty meditator, I haven't made time for yoga since I've gone back to school, and I can be a moody you-know-what at times.

Anyway, in the middle of our conversation D (my therapist) told me a story.  It took place ten years ago when she went to do a Mindfulness training weekend with Jon Kabat Zinn (whom she admires greatly).  Apparently, during one of the initial presentations (which was some sort of slide show), she looked over and caught JKZ biting his nails.

"I was like 'yes!'" she told me, laughing.  "It's just one of those little things that lets you know someone's human."

Obviously D knew that he was human, but it's refreshing to be reminded that our heroes aren't perfect.  I felt the exact same way when my former therapist, L, told me that she ate McDonald's; I was ready to have a party.

As for that person who gets up at the ass crack of dawn to salute the sun, I hope she scarfs a donut once in a while.  It would really make me feel better.