Popscholar

I was thinking about this, actually. I think I've "dumped" too many friends in the past. Of course, i have held onto some too. i guess i have certain things i don't put up with...but i'm wondering if i was too intolerant before. i'm not sure i would act the same way now.

i wish i knew. perhaps we are going through similar things these days...

With graduating college, and my moving back home, and my (former?) best friend moving far away, I know what you mean. We maintained a moderate level of friendship throughout college, but our lives are just so different now...we are so different now, that we never talk.

The only time this happened to me, I handled it pretty poorly and kept pulling away slowly without any explination ... then it all went down in a big ball of angry fire. Whew. It was ugly. I don't know what I would have done differently, other than been honest (without malice) and set boundaries. I must say, though, that I'm much better off without this friendship in my life. It wasn't healthy anymore. Hugs from this part of the state to yours!

i'm pretty sure i know what you're talking about- i left you a msg the other night, don't know if you got it. regardless, let's catch up soon.

It's a tough line. I'm sure you will figure it out. Sometimes, friendships change and you just need to spend less time with someone. And that can lead to a very different type of friendship, but one that is valuable nonetheless. Other times, it's not healthy or sane to remain in a friendship b/c you feel some sense of obligation or guilt.

Good luck, my friend. 2 weeks from today...you, me and a hopefully-not-roachtel!

The friend divorve is hard- having survived several. My problems have been realizing that the dynamic of the friendship frequently hinged on my having a role I later realized I wouldn't settle for and not feeling like I could negotiate to a different type of friendship. A recent case was realizing I was a friend's "fat friend/sidekick" and time I needed for me to deal with my issues and my life was put down for not being time I could be being her sidekick (not just absence of help). Saw her not too long ago and felt pangs, but when explaining the situation to someone else realized it probably never could be a 2-person friendship and that un-panged it for me

When a relationship has become static, it is time to open up communications and see if perhaps the friendship can be saved - perhaps the other person has been disappointed in the relationship as well. If the other person either does not see any problem with the static or refuses to work on things, it is time to say goodbye. Be as eloquent and graceful or as quiet and invisible as you so wish.

When a friendship has become unhealthy - and there are many ways this could be - it is time to say goodbye. No communication necessary. For YOU, you must say goodbye and cut it off cold turkey. I know this well from my own past friendships and mistakes in friendships.

Friends should be positive bursts in our life and never lead us to darkness, negativity, or unhealthy habits.

Hugz,
Gina

I've gone through this several times, but I've never had to flat out confront someone and say I didn't want to be their friend anymore (well, not at least since high school). Most of the time you just let the phone calls, visits, or e-mails slack, and you just lose touch over time. That doesn't mean that everytime I've lost touch with someone I've not wanted to be their friend, I'm just really bad in keeping at touch sometimes! But I think when it comes to an overdue ending of a friendship, most of the time both parties know it's going to happen.